Disappointment (Probably a blessing in disguise)

So, here I am sitting at home.

After a tortuous amnio test (yes, it was very painful),

we got the results tonight.

His lungs are under developed and the Docs want to wait until next Thurs.

That is Dec. 30th.

Let's just say, I am in shock! Even this morning the Dr. made it sound like it was an absolute go. She was very surprised when the results came back negative.

Let's just say, I have cried a lot. I was emotionally ready to be done and meet him.

It's pretty hard to back track.

But, I know it will be when it is supposed to be and so I am trusting.

It's just hard at the moment.

I am just going to lay low until then....

Thanks everyone for your prayers and thoughts!

This is what our week looks like:

Monday:

-Shop for a few last minute gifts and baby stuff

-Come home, make rolls to give to our friends

-Have an FHE on change and responsibilities in our home

-Get ready for Christmas

Tuesday:

-Celebrate Christmas early

-Spend the day playing with our new stuff

Wednesday:

-Drop kids off at our friends at 7 a.m.

-Go to hospital for Amnio test

-Stay for several hours to monitor and make sure I don't go into labor

-Come home and prepare home for G and G Ferrin to come

-Get ready for our new baby the next day

Thursday:

-Arrive at hospital at 5:30 a.m.

-Meet our new little boy!

Friday-Sun:

-I spend Christmas in the hospital.

-The boys spend time with the Ferrins.

So, Merry Christmas! I will not be posting for a while.

I will have John post some pictures and stats!

Have a wonderful Christmas week!

All I Want for Christmas is My Two Front Teeth!

I'm loving the no teeth thing.

But I'm not sure I will love the rabbit teeth that take it's place! :)

Counting Down the Days

So, here is an official update on baby.

On Dec. 22nd I will go in to have the Amniosentisis. (That's the test with the big needle to check and see if the lungs are developed.)

Then if the lungs are developed, I am scheduled for 6 a.m. on Dec. 23 to have a C-Section.

That is only 16 days!

We are getting so excited and anxious!

Pray for me to be strong. I am really terrified of the C-Section. Probably because of what happened last time.

I feel that all will be fine, but it is still a scary process and major surgery is kind-of a big deal!

But, so it goes....

Merry Christmas to you all!

A Truly Thankful Heart

My heart is very full of gratitude today.

We had our ward conference and I was greatly touched.

I came away knowing that I need my Savior every hour

and that he is there always. Angels really do attend us

if we are worthy and need them.

I felt keenly my nothingness in a good way.....

Meaning, my absolute dependence on my Savior.

I am so grateful that I am able to have another child...

that because of modern day medicine and knowledge this baby can arrive safely, despite all the complications.

I am so grateful that my husband loves the Lord with all his soul and wants to serve Him alone.

I am grateful for John's endless hard work and studies to accomplish his goals to provide for our family.

I am grateful for the chance to raise some of the Lord's most precious children. They are everything to me.

I am grateful to go home this weekend and be in the temple with 6 out of 8 (other 2 are too young) of my siblings and parents.

My brother Matt has just been called to serve a mission in Italy and we are going to go through the temple with him. I think my joy will be to overflowing!

And lastly, I am grateful that through this crazy emotional, physical ride I have been on there has ALWAYS been an underlying peace and security from my Father in Heaven.

I KNOW he lives and I am grateful for this ever growing testimony in my heart.

My big, little first grader!

Here is Isaac's 1st Grade picture!

And I almost can't stand it!

He wanted to wear church clothes for his picture!

By all means Isaac, go ahead!

And that missing tooth is absolutely to die for!

I love this kid!

Halloween!

Batman and Stitch at Trunk or Treat!

Eating their spoils in the trunk!

Isaac was Indiana Jones for his school party!

With friends Spencer and Taylor!

His whole class!

This and That

I am so bad at taking pictures these days.

We have had a lot going on lately.

Some really fun visitors.

My cousin Leah and her cute family stopped through on their way home from a 2 week road trip in their new R.V! We had so much fun! Love, love, love them!

My sister Callie and her husband Randon came to stay with me from Flagstaff last weekend while John was in California. He was doing some volunteer dental work.

Callie came to my rescue! I am emotionally week these days, due to the little creature growing inside of me and I was overwhelmed with the idea of being alone all weekend.

Family and friends are truly priceless!

Of course I didn't take any pictures but Callie took some of my new haircut.

And my enormous belly!

I have 8 weeks left! And time is flying!

I LOVE this holiday season!

Firsts

So, in one day Isaac experienced two firsts.

Neither of which were positive, but firsts none the less.

We went to a fun park we don't go to often.

Isaac was riding his scooter down a hill that went from pavement to gravel.

Just as he zoomed past me I yelled, "You better slow down!"

And boom, huge wipeout!

Pretty good scraped up elbows and knees!

The second, first was this....

Isaac came up to me after recovering from the fall and playing on the playground:

Isaac: "Mom, what does **** mean? (replace stars with the f-word)

Me: Open mouth, huge eyes, shocked, "What did you say? Come here please. Where did you hear that word?"

Isaac: " I read it on the slide." (He reads now.... Whole new world.)

Me: " Isaac that is one of the worst words ever, ever. It makes Heavenly Father so sad. And I wish that you would never say it again and try to forget it."

Isaac: With a slight, mischevious grin, "Ok mom."

Like I said, not good firsts.

And I hope I never hear that horrible word come out of my sons mouth again!

Isaac

Isaac: 1 yr?

First:

He is doing so well in school. He loves it!

And he is pretty darn smart. Especially in math!

Second:

He is hilarious!

Tonight John was trying to get Easton to say family prayer (which he refuses to do: he will only say his personal prayers).

I'll admit the convincing process was taking a while.

Isaac finally said very seriously to John, "Dad, I think it's time to move on."

We both started laughing. And I said, "Good call Isaac!"

Third:

He is playing soccer. And he is awesome!

Tonight was his first game and he scored 3 goals!

Fourth:

He is an awesome big brother.

Tonight at soccer Easton was playing around with a few little boys his age and they were getting a little too rough.

One of the boys threw Easton down and was sitting on him.

Easton kept asking him to get off.

Isaac walked by and realized it and grabbed the kid and threw him off while shouting, " Hey you leave my brother alone! He said get off!"

Proud mommy moment.

I love this boy! He keeps life exciting!

Little boys are always running.

Easton at about 5 months.

This morning Easton and I went to pick up his little friend Benjamin to come play.

"You stay in the car mom. I'll go get him." Easton told me.

He then ran to the front door.

His friend opened the door and waved to his mom who must have been nursing his little sister on the couch.

He shut the door and they ran back to the car.

As soon as the car stopped they were running, no racing to our front door.

Then they were running to the play room.

They run the whole time we are at at a park.

They run from place to place in the house. Never just walk.

They run to get the mail and to and from school.

They seek out every curb or planter box, or ledge on the way into a store and jump off!

Oh to have so much energy and excitement for life!

It makes me excited to have another little exuberant boy in our home!

Just Thoughts

I have so much going through my mind.

Gratitude for this little one growing inside. And the other sweet men in my life.

Love for my sweet John and all he puts up with and does for me.

Worry about the kind of mother I am. And my lack of patience in this pregnancy.

Longing to feel myself again..... spiritually, phyisically, emotionally.

Struggle with being completely tired of feeling sick and tired.

Depressed about the fact that I can't exercise and have to eat constantly. (Hence an enormous weight gain.)

Constant battle within about how important I feel it is to eat healthy. And how hard it is to actually accomplish it. It is more time consuming, more expensive, takes more thought, and sometimes I just can't eat it because I still feel nauseous and eat what ever I can.

Sadness that my 16 week mark in pregnancy didn't bring on a surge of energy and good health.

(Which is what I experienced with both my other pregnancies.)

Anxiety for this coming semester and John having to study for his second part of Boards.

We also have to start the process of short-selling our house soon.

Excitement, because BY THE WAY, John got excepted into a Periodontic Residency in Lexington Kentucky and we will be moving there in 9 months. I really am excited! It feels so right and good. We will just be doing it all with a new baby....

Sorrow for my own weakness and my lack of service to others because I just feel so dang tired.

Did I mention the tired factor? I have never been so tired in my life. I have to force myself to do anything.

Guilt for all my negative thoughts and feelings. I KNOW it could be so much worse. I KNOW I am so blessed. I KNOW that I need to be holding on to every moment and loving every minute.

And yet, I know I can learn from it all. I can do hard things! ( I heard that in a conference talk.)

Nothing is permenant and in this case it will all be so worth it!

I need to stay positive and grateful and learn what I am supposed to.

I want to.

I will.

North Ogden Utah

Last week during John's break we spent 5 days with John's family.

It was so beautiful there! The weather was so perfect.

It was truly a respite from this barren, hot dessert.

The boys played outside all day!

I am really bad at taking pictures of every one and everything.

We had so much fun with cousins and John's siblings and parents!

Isaac found a snail.

Grandpa and Grandma's awesome back yard!

1st Grade

Every year the first day of school our ward has a back to school breakfast.

Everybody meets at a house near the school and then we all walk to school.

This was our first year doing it!

It was fun!

I can't believe my Isaac is going to be gone all day!

All the kids!

Eating breakfast.

I am excited for this year, but I will miss Isaac being gone all day!

Pregnancy Pics Per Request

I don't think I took any pics when I was pregnant with my other boys except for the night before I delivered.

Several people have asked to see a picture. So here it is.

I am 19 weeks. Half way there! (For me because I will go 4 weeks early.)

I can still see my toes!

I attempted to take my own picture. Hence the concentration.

Then Easton offered to take this one. Such a helpful boy.

I can feel alot of movement and I forgot how absolutely amazing it is!

I love this part before they get so big it feels like they are breaking your ribbs!

I still feel good as long as I take the meds! I am so grateful!

Grateful for the end of a phase.

So my mom used to say (about going through something hard) that

most things don't last forever.

She is right.

But they sure seem to last a really long time.

I am feeling so much better. Not quite myself, but I can get out of bed

and do laundry and dishes and play with my kids.

I feel like it's too good to be true.

And today I went to all 3 hrs of church. (ok, I came home in between and ate.)

But it was a big accomplishment for me.

And it felt oh so good to be there.

We also found out on Friday that we are having another BOY!

You saw that right. That three letter B word!

To say I wasn't slightly disappointed would be a lie.

But it feels right and good and I am really excited!

There is something about knowing the gender that changes the realness of it for me.

So..... enough monologue.

I am going to do some catch up with pictures.

Easton turns 4 Super Hero style!

Aren't they cute?

The cake.

Opening gifts.

When Aunt Callie was here she face painted!

They LOVED it!

More Angels

My sister Callie just left today after a week.

Again I feel over whelmed with gratitude for all she did!

It was like having a personal chef, maid and babysitter!

One night at 10 o'clock she made my dads famous hash browns until I was stuffed!

They were delicious!

My mother in law and Aunt were here for a few days last week too.

I have enjoyed my one on one time with all my family so much!

I guess this is one good thing that has come from this.

I am 14 weeks along..... so hopefully only 2 to go and I should feel better!

I am so grateful for all the meals from my ward family and friends!

I just can't express it enough!

Angels in our midst.

My sister Dena and her husband Jacob just drove away after a weeks visit.

I guess I shouldn't call it a visit...... They were slaves.

Dena cleaned everything,always, cooked me whatever I wanted and did all my laundry.

Jacob helped with everything too and played with the boys every second.

(This in itself earned himself a place in heaven.)

We played and laughed at night when John got home and the boys were in bed.

It was a good distraction.

My words can not adequately express my gratitude for my angel visitors.

Dorritos For Breakfast

You know you're not yourself when your son is eating Cool Ranch Dorritos for breakfast.

Or when you sent your husband out to buy you Hot Tamales at 9:30 at night because you thought cinnamon candy sounded good.

Or when you have left your house and driven your car twice in the last two weeks.

But, my not self is building an amazing creation that I got to see in an ultra sound yesterday.

The legs and arms were flailing about and the little body was jumping around.

All is well and healthy for the creation.

So, I think I can endure not being myself a while longer.

I think.

Update

I had a few days this week when I literally could keep nothing down.

So, they checked me into the hospital on Tuesday again and kept me there until they could find a combination of medicine to help me keep food and water down.

I am currently taking 3 different medications and a sleeping pill.

This is hard for me, because I really don't like feeling drugged.....

But, of course I am grateful that I can survive and keep nourishment.

My mom has been here since Wednesday, but is leaving Monday morning and I am trying not to panic. It has been amazing to have here here. She has been so wonderful!

I have days where I feel just as sick and horrible and then a day where I feel ok.

I am grateful for the ok days.

I am trying to know it won't last forever!

I got to see the baby and the heart beat in the hospital. That helped a little bit.

Although for the most part I just can't believe I am actually pregnant.

Brutally Honest Post

So, I thought I was sick a week ago.....

That is a joke.

As of Friday I was diagnosed with Hyperemesis Gravidarum.

Which basically means the baby is like a foreign object to the body

and so it freaks out and you throw up all the time.

The last 4 days have really tested my strength and endurance.

I have been to the hospital twice (once over night) to get hydrated

and find an anti-nausea medication that works for me.

I have tried 3 already and two give me migraines and the other did nothing.

So this last time we found one that keeps me from throwing up.

I spent literally from 4 a.m. to 8 p.m. on Thursday throwing up anything and everything.

Wow, let me just say. I thought I was dying. It was unbearable.

Yesterday I came home to a liquid diet and a pregnant woman appetite

and felt like I was starving to death. But hey, I wasn't throwing up.

Today I am on solids and can actually sit up and move to write this.

I am so grateful we found this medication although it makes me fall asleep.

I still feel nauseous all the time, but I can eat.

So, here's to sleeping through my first 16 weeks of pregnancy.

My ward and friends have been unbelievable!

I am crying now thinking of the love and kindness.

And whether it's ok to solicit prayers over the web or not..... I am.

Thank you for all your prayers already.

In those moments when I want to die I try to muster up the prayers I know people are giving.

And most of all I must say I have married an angel! I true angel on earth.

His compassion and kind, loving care are indescribable!

He does everything without complaining and I know it is waring on him!

Thanks again for all your goodness and prayers!

In response to some of the comments.....

Jennie, as far as the cyst goes.... we are just going to watch it like a hawk throughout the pregnancy. There is a chance it will have to be removed during the pregnancy like what happened with Isaac. If not then the dr. will remove it along with my right ovary and fallopian tube after delivering the baby.

I too am praying for a girl. I hope that is not wrong. But since it is my last chance I feel justified.

Isaac prays for a sister every time he prays. I had to sit him down and explain that there is still a chance that we will get a brother. I told him I would be just as happy and grateful because I know the Lord knows our family and what soul is to come here.

I hope he understands.

Thanks for all your kindness and comments!

Love to all!

A Family of Five!

I have been debating about whether or not to share this.

But if there's one thing about me.... I don't keep things inside!

I feel like I will explode. Like the information

is itching it's way out until I have to share!

So it all started about 2 months ago when I had a miscarriage.

During the ultra sound in the E.R. they found a dermoid cyst

on my one and only remaining ovary. (My other ovary was already

removed after being destroyed by the same kind of cyst.)

I was informed 5 wks ago, at a follow up appointment with my O.B

that the cyst would be slow growing and eventually destroy

my ovary and that it was impossible to remove and if attempted,

I would loose my ovary.

I informed her that my family was not complete.

She said that only I would know that and so pledged to help me

get pregnant and have one more baby.

To say I was emotional and heart broken would be correct.

I know I am blessed to have 2 children and a possible 3rd.

But to be told you are finished is hard.

I felt like a precious choice was taken from me.

So fertility was in full swing as I have been wanting another baby for a year now.

But God is good and his works mysterious.

I AM PREGNANT!

All on my own!

And I am sicker than a dog,

so I know this baby is here to stay.

So, if I am not myself, or you don't see me about.

Or worse yet, you happen to see me and I look like I got hit by a train..... I did, and I'm not.

But to say I am grateful beyond description is an understatement.

I feel that to try would be folly.

All I know is that the Lord knows all!

I am so excited for this new person who will come to our home around Christmas time.

It will be our Christmas miracle!

Documentation Purposes

Baseball Season Spring 2010

I realize these are horrible action shots.

Isaac was awesome at baseball.

He loved it and we loved watching him!

Our stake put on free baseball!

We ate hotdogs, snow cones and cotton candy while we watched!

Life is super fun isn't it?

Happy 6th Birthday Isaac!

Isaac thanking Justin for his gift!

I can't believe I am just now recording Isaac'g birthday! It was 3 weeks ago!

We had such a fun party with friends! Their favorite game was Red-Rover Red-Rover!

I can't believe Isaac is six! I am madly in love with this boy! He is so fun and so sweet!

He loves to "cuddle" with me. He asks me several times a day and of course I don't

turn him down.

He is such a good big brother. He is so patient with Easton and is such a good sharer!

He is doing so well in school and has such good friends!

I LOVE this BOY!