I have so much going through my mind.
Gratitude for this little one growing inside. And the other sweet men in my life.
Love for my sweet John and all he puts up with and does for me.
Worry about the kind of mother I am. And my lack of patience in this pregnancy.
Longing to feel myself again..... spiritually, phyisically, emotionally.
Struggle with being completely tired of feeling sick and tired.
Depressed about the fact that I can't exercise and have to eat constantly. (Hence an enormous weight gain.)
Constant battle within about how important I feel it is to eat healthy. And how hard it is to actually accomplish it. It is more time consuming, more expensive, takes more thought, and sometimes I just can't eat it because I still feel nauseous and eat what ever I can.
Sadness that my 16 week mark in pregnancy didn't bring on a surge of energy and good health.
(Which is what I experienced with both my other pregnancies.)
Anxiety for this coming semester and John having to study for his second part of Boards.
We also have to start the process of short-selling our house soon.
Excitement, because BY THE WAY, John got excepted into a Periodontic Residency in Lexington Kentucky and we will be moving there in 9 months. I really am excited! It feels so right and good. We will just be doing it all with a new baby....
Sorrow for my own weakness and my lack of service to others because I just feel so dang tired.
Did I mention the tired factor? I have never been so tired in my life. I have to force myself to do anything.
Guilt for all my negative thoughts and feelings. I KNOW it could be so much worse. I KNOW I am so blessed. I KNOW that I need to be holding on to every moment and loving every minute.
And yet, I know I can learn from it all. I can do hard things! ( I heard that in a conference talk.)
Nothing is permenant and in this case it will all be so worth it!
I need to stay positive and grateful and learn what I am supposed to.
I want to.
I will.
8 comments:
Oh Lis! I wish I was there to help you out more! The third pregnancy was definitely the hardest for me. I HAD to take 2 naps a day and I was still tired. I too, had so much guilt about the healthy eating factor, but I had to eat what I could, regardless. And then when I was feeling better, I had no energy to cook dinner. It was either have energy to cook dinner or do the dishes, but not both. And I gave up grocery shopping. I would email Trevor a list of items to grab on the way home from work (a very detailed list since he wouldn't get the right stuff otherwise).
And then, of course, I started noticing the increased impatience with the girls, no desire to go to church to put on a happy face when inside I wanted to hide, and lots of crying and worry. I finally realized that I was experiencing the depression during pregnancy this time and got on prozac to help me out.
And CONGRATS John! Yay! You guys will be close enough to visit now! You'll love KY! We visited Trevor there while he did a rotation in Louisville. We really wanted to move there.
Oh and my dinners consisted of the same thing every week, something I could do super fast, and mostly sitting down. We did taco salad with canned chili, deli meat sandwiches x 2 nights, spaghetti, pizza (on Fridays), bean and cheese tortillas, and mac n cheese. And repeat every week. Pathetic, but we got through.
Don't worry-you're still superwoman. just pregnant superwoman. we don't have to fly around in a cape to be special-you are who you are no matter what you do. congrats to you guys on KY! We visited there this summer and loved it!
I'm still meaning to come visit you!
Simplify Simplify! And know that this is for a short time and life will get back to normal...even if it's a "new normal" soon enough! Sorry I haven't been a very supportive visiting teacher! I WILL visit you this month! :)
I have always admired you and looked up to you. I know how wonderful you are. Tired or not :)
Lisa...you only have ONE important job....it is MOM....if you let it be your focus, everything else is secondary and will be fine....don't let yourself get overlooked....if MOM isn't taken care of then she can't do her most important job. I am sorry the energy level didn't come back YET...it still may. It is temporary and you WILL bounce back better than ever....I promise. Focus!
Sweet Lisa! You definitely to follow the Primary song, "If you chance to meet a frown....."! You have so many negatives that it's hard to see the positives. Do me a favor. Take each one of those negatives, and turn them around, flip them over, do whatever it takes to make them GOOD things. I am amazed at how much the bad things are actually good (they're just disguised a bit). Here's an example. The A/C went out in my car two weeks ago (hello expensive!) On my way to school (long drive to UNLV). For an afternoon class (which means VERY HOT). Here's what was positive about it. The part that we feared needed fixed didn't, so it wasn't financially devastating. Oh, it hurt, but we survived. It went out on a Thursday and the kids hadn't started school yet, so I had all weekend to get it fixed, and work out how to do carpool the first day of school. I didn't have class again until Tuesday, so no big deal! That very hot afternoon decided to cloud over and spritzle a bit, so I survived a drive back home with no A/C. Don't get down on yourself. That's the Adversary just reminding you that you're doing what's right. But you're stronger and better than he is, so you can do it! Love you!
Aaah! Lisa! Such news! I didn't know your were pregnant! When is the baby due? And that is sooo fabulous about John's Residency! By the way, I found your link on Jill's page. I just started our family blog-- it's very amatuer, but eventually I'll figure it out..... I haven't figured out how to link my friends/family to my page, so I was just checking out other pages for some pointers. If you don't mind, I'll probably try linking you onto my page when I ever figure it out. These things don't come with very good user manuals....
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